Speak free

I don’t get how showers have become popular. To me, it’s like wire razor-wire-toielt-paper becoming popular, or cheese which tastes of meat. Showers! You feel cold before you feel warm, have to stand about naked, and feel cold getting dry—as opposed to a bath. The outlandish feel-good quality of bathing in hot-soapy-water with the subtle scent of reed diffusers far outweighs any negativity that may be felt while drying off. Plus, there are only two really fantastic things you can Read the rest of this entry »

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Tight jeans: is there anything so appallingly trendy as that? I can’t think of anything. There used to be a time where if you were a man and you had hair over your ears you’d get mocked in the streets, but nowadays—and I am aware I sound like a bitter older person now but tough—you can’t move five feet in the city without receiving a static shock from all those tight jeans crammed in one place together. And I’m not Read the rest of this entry »

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What is it with dogs and their owners? Not everyone, and come on now, it’s not their fault that their bums are too small to fit on a standard toilet seat (come to think of it, there may be hygiene issues even if your dog’s big bottom can fit on a toilet seat). No, there’s a lady down the road from me who always goes out with doggy-bags, but there are also a few (thousand) who are waging dog-poo-war against Read the rest of this entry »

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Where did this horrid little chap come from? Well, Canada I believe. He was spotted on youtube or something along those lines by Usher of all people who has then decided to take the little boy under his wing and make him into a pop star. How old is this boy? Fourteen? That is ridiculous. A fourteen year old boy should not be a pop star and should not be in the media lime-light.

I say these things not because Read the rest of this entry »

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What is it with train-stations? Have they always been evil places intent on wreaking havoc at every opportunity? No matter where you go in the world, if you scratch beneath the surface you can find something that just isn’t quite right. Something out to get you–

Here are my top three train-station-gripes:

1) The curse of the awful people-hating vending machine:

What could possibly be evil about a vending machine I hear you exclaim? Well, allow me to inform you.

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While I’m not a neat freak, the idea of clutter completely freaks me out. Having a house that’s full of knickknacks and sorts of useless little bits and pieces is my idea of a nightmare. What’s worse is when the ornaments and knickknack collections are augmented by stacks of old newspapers, dockets and receipts from fifteen years ago, and mugs with broken handles that have sentimental value. Just throw it out, people! I recently had this issue when my much Read the rest of this entry »

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We’ve all met those people who love to hear the sound of their own voice, and who especially love to hear the sound of their own opinions. I’ve met more than a few of these people in my life, and while I have no problems at all with someone sharing their viewpoint, or giving a little speech on occasion (much like I’m doing here, ahem), there are some pesky people who just don’t seem to have any sort of speech Read the rest of this entry »

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Celebrity Big Brother. I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Celebrity Ice Skating. Celebrity Mr & Mrs. Celebrity Opera Singing. Celebrity Euthenasia. Unfortunately only the last one is made up, the others forming a seemingly endless stream of cheap programming sucking leech-like upon our insatiable desire for celebrity. And the single most annoying thing about these identikit shows is that the vast majority of contestants are not celebrities at all.

Back in the mists of time celebrities were people Read the rest of this entry »

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Well as you all know the entire country came to a stand still over the snow and ice that we recently experienced. Obviously these are quite exceptional circumstances and we have not experienced weather like this for years. I was busy sunning myself in Australia when everyone got snowed in, in December 2008/ January 2009 so missed all the hype, but this year – Oh my word, what a disaster. Now I live 18 miles away from my workplace and Read the rest of this entry »

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The Queen, soldiers, puppies and kittens, Sex and the City, the Dalai Lama and Delia Smith: to this list can be added ’babies’ as subjects that cannot be criticised unless you want to end up as a social pariah. Well I am prepared to stick my head above the trenches and shout to the world ’No more babies - I have had enough of them!’

My resentment of the dribbling little screamers has reached breaking point with those nauseating Evian Read the rest of this entry »

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