Speak free

Don’t Understand

I am English and yet I don’t even understand English people; I doubt I ever will. Thus whenever someone who is not English complains or criticizes England for good reason – and the last person to do this was Canadian, which is even more annoying, seeing as Canada is one of the most, if not the most together country in the world – I usually find myself agreeing and feeling very ashamed of myself. Take what happens to English people in the summer as a good example. It’s madness. Hull, London or Cromer, the place is irrelevant. All over our land, the following happens:

1) as soon as it is remotely warm, everyone starts wearing flip-flops and break out the blue beach bag, as if we’re in the south of France or something. It doesn’t matter if it feels like it’s definitely going to rain later or if snow is predicted, this is what we do, we just can’t help ourselves.

2) men who have the slightest bit of muscle – or are deluded and think they have some forming – rip their tops off and walk about with worrying assurance. (Females tend to just show a hell of a lot of leg; in some place there seems to be a worrying unwritten rule in place: the older the female, the more leg to be shown.)

3) the sunglasses come out–infiltrating every corner. Even dark corners. Even the darkest corners of the train.

But really, this is bound to happen. When you only get about two months out of every year where it’s exceptionally good to be outside, you can’t blame the people for going a bit over-board.

The other thing that English people do, of course – and I include myself in this of course – is complain that it’s too hot. This usually happens just days after the heat arrives, at around the same time that those who come from other countries, and are presently visiting England, start to rejoice at the final arrival of what they like to call ’good weather’.